Wearing: Next dress, Topshop cardigan, Zara belt, Dorothy Perkins tights, Primark brogues and ring
On: Wednesday 2nd February
For: Flitting about the office, feeling very 60s
Can I tell you a secret? Come a little closer now, I’m going to whisper it. Lean in, lend me your ears, listen up…
I’m wearing Spanx under this dress.
Now, let me explain. When the people at Tightsplease (who are ever so generous) asked if I’d like to feature shapewear on the blog, my first reaction was ‘no one wants to see that. Ever.’ (I stand by this statement. Do not let the person you’re sleeping with see you trying to put on anything designed to ‘suck in’, as you probably won’t be sleeping together again for a few months. It’s a mental image that’s hard to erase.) But when I realised Spanx were part of the control pants range, I was sold. You see, I am a huge fan of Spanx.
Spanx make you a better version of yourself*. When you first put them on (after the wriggling, sweating and swearing – seriously, lock the door) you will marvel at your streamlined physique. Clothes sit better. Lumps are ironed out. That old 90s phenomenon, VPL, is non-existent. And you’ll have abs of steel without the 500 stomach crunches. Get someone to poke your stomach and watch them break their finger (kind of). See? Amazing!
No, they’re not really comfortable (despite all the claims… how can something that literally holds in flesh be comfortable?) and yes, they are completely and hideously ugly, but the results are worth the slight discomfort.
What do you think of so-called ‘magic pants’?
*A tongue-in-cheek statement, you understand. You are the best version of you – including lumps, bumps and visible panty lines.