The Blog Issue is a series of posts on common issues that bloggers face every day. Today we’re looking at an area that can break even the most seasoned blogger – negativity. We start with an outfit shot, as always…
Primark cardigan, Banana Republic silk shirt via charity shop, H&M jeans, Schuh brogues, Primark swallow brooches
Although the Disney corp may beg to differ, we all know life is not a bed of roses. No matter how lovely you are (or how fabulous your outfit is), there will always be someone who disagrees. Sometimes they’ll be nice about it and offer constructive criticism, and other times they’ll just be damn rude. This, we accept. So how do we deal with it?
I’ve picked up on three different reactions to blog negativity:
1) Get upset, rant on Twitter, cry, delete comment, rant on Twitter again
2) Wrestle back control by introducing rules
3) Ignore and/or laugh about it
If you get a negative comment on your blog, nasty email, pissy Formspring question or cruel tweet, please don’t be a number 1-er. Getting upset about the (mostly unfounded) opinions of faceless internet strangers is not worth your time. You have more important things to do, like watching paint dry or scrubbing the kitchen floor. If you feel yourself getting emotional because someone said you look good for a 30 year old even though you’re only 24 (as happened to me this week), take a step back and remind yourself that all internet trolls are overweight 32 year old men wearing ill-fitting Star Trek t-shirts and stained brown cords. Okay?
When the delightful Jessica from What I Wore received a barrage of personal abuse on her blog, she took a stand and created a comment policy. This seems to work for her, but it’s not something I’d impose on Little Bird readers. I strongly believe that when it comes to the internet, comment is free and it’s near-impossible to control what people say. So that leaves you with…
Ignorance. Blissful for a reason. So what if someone thinks you know nothing about designer labels? Who cares if they call you a snob, a stuck up bitch or a grammar nazi (I am at least one of those, anyway)? Insults only become credible if you let them. If I was Oprah I’d tell you to believe in yourself, shrug off the negativity then look under your chair for a ticket to Australia. And if you can have a giggle about it too (I’m a particular fan of pseudo-niceness, also known as the backhanded compliment, in anon comments. You look great for a plus size girl, you look amazing for your age, good luck with your continued weight loss…), then even better.
Most personal nastiness, whether online or off, stems from jealousy. It’s an issue we’ve covered in The Blog Issue and one that will only thrive if we give it so much undeserved attention. So put on your best ‘I don’t give a shit’ face, move your mouse over that little red cross and continue being your fabulous self. Can I get a ‘hell yes’?
Have you ever experienced negativity on your blog? How do you deal with it? Do you let it get you down or just walk (or click) on by?
What a really refreshing post! I’ve not delt with hating comments yet, but im still fairly new at only 140 followers.
But i see it happen, everyday to the people i follow. I remeber you posting about your recent issue on Twitter.
I agree the best thing to do is ignore it, don’t give them the satisfaction. xo
I have had negative comments on the blog but luckily not very often! It really upset me at the time (mainly because before that everyone had been so nice!) but looking back I know WHY that person commented and it was partially my fault. On certain topics there will always be controversy and I think that you shouldn’t dish it unless you can take it (this is often easier said than done though!!)
Maria xxx
I love those brooches, cant believe they’re primark! I cant really wear swallows because of my tattoos (swallow overload!) so I do envy cute accessories like those ones 🙂
I’ve not experienced any nastiness yet, but I’ve seen it happen on other blogs and it makes me so angry. it must be hard not to retaliate! 🙁 And when I see it happen to other bloggers I want to leave a comment and stick up for them. There’s just some nasty, pathetic, and jealous people out there 🙁 its a shame they have to hide behind an ‘annonymous’ comment xx
The best example of negativity I’ve ever had was a comment after the first wave of new readers from the Take10 stuff. A reader went back about six months into my archives without leaving a single comment until she found an error (admittedly it was a MASSIVE brainfart, I was writing about Pre-Raphaelites and said Rossini instead of Rossetti – cultural fail!) and then left a sarky anonymous comment to that effect. I was a little surprised, since I must have captured his/her interest enough to go THAT far back…
Negativity’s not a biggie, as long as it’s not something I’m going to obsess over (as in it might actually be true and a big issue) I take it as something of a compliment – you don’t see low-profile bloggers getting a barrage of haters!
I love the cardi and brooches. Such a lovely combo! And what a great post 🙂 I’ve often had nasty comments on my YouTube channel, and if i’m honest, it did upset me. I often didn’t respond but on the odd occasion when i have been in a mood i’ve responded with sarcy comments. I wouldn’t ever want to leave someone a nasty message, even if they’d left one for me. However, i realised, its not my problem! So for the most part now, i just deal with it 🙂 xx
I think you look lovely – as always. I don’t always just post with flattering comments. I might say that I hate a colour or something but I try to clarify that with an “of course, that’s just me..” type comment.
I hope I haven’t been unkind even when I haven’t especially liked something. I never post anonymously. I don’t think I’ve had any negative stuff because I know I’d have got upset even though I know it’s an overreaction.
Anyway – compliments to you on your honesty and style.
Excellent post! I have never had negativity on my blog directed towards ME, but I *have* seen others rant about my blog-friends on my blog. I think if someone said something bad about me, I would just laugh and ignore it, but it’s REALLY low to take a stab at someone on someone else’s blog, isn’t it? I believe everyone has a right to their own opinions and I would never turn off comments, but I *will* delete comments that I think are nasty about others (or even myself) – then I will laugh, declare that the negative commenter has too much time on her hands, and forget it all ever happened 🙂
♥ Leia
Love your outfit, gorgeous 🙂
I’m not a blogger so I can’t really fully empathize I suppose and this is probably pretty irrelevant lol but I could see how that could really get you down. I personally have some weight issues, even though i’m not actually classed as overweight (JUST), and when people say things like ‘yeah but it’s really good how you’re curvy instead of one of these anorexic girls’, although meant in kind spirit, I kinda gets me down, I could only imagine how I’d feel if some anon said in out and out cruelty 🙁 it’s great how you can just brush it off and get on with it, because let’s face it, you’re not even really at plus-size size, you’re actually a pretty normal shape, it’s most likely just because of the area you’re in that you get a bit of flak – (people seem to attach fashion with stick people)
As for any ‘you’re no good with labels’ comments, well who gives a crap?. I personally have NO idea about fashion in that sense, yet I like to think I’m pretty fashionable. The reason I read blogs is because I don’t have the money to buy designer, so therefore I like to know how to dress as cheaply (yet as chicly) as possible. And to be honest I find the bloggers who are wearing vintage/charity shop/car boot or even some really good primark finds, look a lot cooler than designer whores, because they’re not just relying on the label.
sorry if this was annoyingly long, sometimes I just can’t keep my opinions to myself 🙂
basically what I’m trying to say is that you’re great and one of the fave bloggers :), and nasty people are just jealous!
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had some offensive comments, Jen. I haven’t (as yet) received any that have offended me but there again I’m a middle-aged woman and highly unlikely to invoke any jealousy.
In a way I’m sad you’ve posted this as it’s showing the anonymous commenters that you’ve been hurt by their catty remarks which was probably their intention.
Negativity is just an anonymous poke in cyberspace, concentrate on the positive comments and do you bit in leaving them too, together us bloggers can make the internet a nicer place…honest. xxx
🙂
Thanks for this inspiring and wise post. 🙂
Like those shoes, I saw them somewhere and cant think where ?
Shame you let the anon comment get to you, I myself did think you were older than 24 though. Sorry, but I guess being tarnished with the 30 brush when you are not could be hurtful.
Don’t let them get you as it’s probably what they want
chin up
Excellent post.
I’ve had many a negative comment over the years and leave them where they are. I often try to answer them and if they do dare reply(they usually don’t) they often out themselves as a shit stirrer/liar/troll/child with what they say.
My policy regarding comments is to screen (because of the large amount of spam and PR requests I get) but leave all of them, positive or negative alike, where they are unless they in some way break my privacy..
Thanks for all your comments, folks! I just want to point out that negative/anon comments don’t bother me – I’m giving examples of comments I’ve had in the past but not because I carry them with me or because they hurt me – just to demonstrate the kind of negativity that exists within the blogging world!
My whole point with this post is to encourage bloggers to shrug off negative comments and not take them to heart. I don’t want to come across like I’m fishing for compliments and/or sympathy!
Jen
I think honest criticism is ok, but some of the comments i’ve seen on other blogs lately has horrified me.
I’ve had a couple of really nasty anon comments before but i’ve caught them quickly and just deleted them.
My view is that they must be massively insecure & totally eff-ed up to write the things they did and to keep them is just giving the trolls a voice. Ignore, ignore, ignore!
Your new do suits you immensely Jen btw xxx
This is a great post. I think this is a topic we all can relate to, as there will always be people who dislike other people for no reason at all.
I have always been so fond of your writing, your style, and ultimately you, you are a great inspiration and those who think otherwise are simply not worth the time of day xx
Thanks for this post, i love this series you’re doing!
I personally used to get upset over them, but then realised that if I’m putting myself out there I’m bound to get negative feedback, so now I don’t care.
I have my comments set to moderated now so if I see something I don’t like I just delete it! I once had someone who commented on the fact I’d worn the same shoes for 2 photos in my Week In My Wardrobe posts! Some people have way too much time on their hands!
xox
Very, very, very well said 🙂
xox
Ps. here, let me use google analytics to find them for you and I’ll go bop them one! haha just joking 🙂 and plus, who am I joking that I actually understand my google analytics?! your mister tried to explain it to me as best he could once he’d pasted the codes on my site… haha Im not the brainiest girl jen 🙂 AWESOME to hear your on a keep fit regime just now too! My legs hurt 🙁 haha only my second class today and I can hardly walk up the stairs. Im such a loser! Are you doing any classes or just gym time? xx
great post hun!! i (touch wood) have yet to have any really nasty anon comments.. id like to think im mature enough to just laugh it off but honestly it depends what the message said.. im actually pretty self conscious and i certain things even from complete strangers would hurt my feelings.. alas i prob shouldnt be putting myself out there online then! lol x
Great post,
i only have joined blogger and this has made me more aware, thankyou.
Great outfit post btw,
neww followeerr :]
caetc.blogspot.com
I love the little peter pan collar and your cardigan! I’ve been lucky not to have any negative comments but on my Lookville page I get alot of negative comments about my outfits… It’s always this one bleached blonde beauty junkie. I normally would get upset but looking at her I decided not to worry.
Ooh, so many thought provoking posts around today! I can’t say that I’ve ever received a negative post, because, as others point out, it tends to be a problem for more popular bloggers simply because what these nasty commenters want is attention and an audience.
Much like when we got taught about bullying at school I think the best way to deal with it really is to ignore it. There are always so many lovely commenters out there, why take more notice of the bad than the good?
Oh I have done no1 before, it’d hard not to react to things when they feel like a personal attack. I have since vowed to be cool, not be so obsessed with what people think. I don’t always achieve that…I’m just a person who likes to be liked.
I don’t really like anon comments, and got a lot of odd spam ones, so I disabled them from my blog.
Hmmm, not yet, and I hope not to. Blogging is NOT the place for negativity (or even constructive criticism, if you don’t ask!). But, on a positive note, love your blog, happy to find you and be your newest follower!
I’ve had a few negative comments as wll, and I do get kinda upset. Then I remind myself that they’re probably just losers and laugh it off.
I haven’t received any negative comments so far and although I could imagine I would be hurt, I’d try to brush them off. After all, if you’ve got nothing useful to say, don’t say it.
S
http://notjustmedical.wordpress.com
I’m very new to blogging and with fewer than 20 followers I haven’t experienced nasty comments yet, but I have on another internet forum and I admit I got a jolt of hurt when I saw it. I wouldn’t necessarily want people crowing sycophantically on my blog, but at the same time the old adage ‘if you can’t say anything nice, better not to say anything at all’ is a goodie.
PS. MUST. Get. To. Primark. Soon!!
Love this post Jen,
I’ve had a lot of negativity in the past, hence moderated comments now. That way I can just click delete and not deal with any backlash from anyone!
Great post jen. I think that there will always be negative people who want to put others down. I make a point of not being negative on my blog about anything, and it has served me well thusfar.
I think we put ourselves out there and there will be critics but it is the same in life. You have to take it on the chin and realise that if someone is being negative then that is their problem.
Nikki x
i like the Primark cardigan and swallow brooches. Yes, i know that feeling of not knowing what to do about really mean and bigoted comments. On my WordPress blog i had to publish a comment policy but publish even the mean ones if they’re at all on topic. Most of it’s spam. Here on Blogspot Google cuts out most of the spam and i’ve only deleted a couple of comments. The worst is in the private messages on my YouTube channel or at Jezebel. Some of them are really vicious or even threatening. I’ve pretty much ignored them but have thought about making a post or posts about them. i think you handle it well and your attitude is probably best.
I like the shirt/cardi/brooches combo, have you tried rolling the shirt sleeves back a couple of times? I’m a fan of the look and can’t stop myself from rolling my sleeves back now!
I have never had a negative comment on my blog (I imagine because no one knows it exists), but I did experience the flipside of the negativity issue recently. I was visiting the blog of someone who I like, but in this particular outfit post she was wearing a white T-shirt underneath a dark top and with dark trousers, the effect being a white band around her waist that really stood out against the rest of the outfit and wasn’t very flattering (in my view). I would have liked to tell her, constructively, but because of the 20 comments already left about how great the outfit was, I felt like a jerk. And then I questioned myself, wondering who I was to give fashion advice anyway. So I didn’t leave the comment, and the blogger missed out on some advice that may have helped her, but may also have hurt her, and I wouldn’t have wanted that. I’m not sure what my conclusion is, as I partly think that the point of blogs is to talk about what we’re wearing, the good and the bad, but also I don’t want to embarrass someone with a public comment. Do you have any thoughts about this?
I have the swallow brooch, so lovely!
I’ve only ever had a couple of negative comments since blogging and i’m in the ignore it camp, i think maybe its something you learn as you get older. I find it laughable that some people have nothing better to do then be nasty via the internet. Theres a place for constructive criticism but it needs to be done in the right way x
hell yes!
Thank you for this post, I needed this so so so so much! x
This is your first blogpost that I’ve ever read thanks to the wonderful LLYMLRS, I’ve just started a blog and you’re attitude towards this situation is amazing and something I was hoping to get a bit of advice on as a new blogger. You sure have a subscription out of me. Thanks for the positive influence :] x
http://www.kerryskicks.com