When Hazel was around four months old, I started researching Baby Led Weaning. I read the Gill Rapely book everyone recommends. I joined the Facebook groups. Within a few days I was completely convinced that this was the weaning method for us and started daydreaming about preparing delicious family meals, eating them together at the table and having a thoroughly lovely time. And yes, I bought the bamboo plate and bowl.

Fast forward seven months, and things haven’t quiiiiiiite panned out how I imagined. Weaning, like everything involved in raising a child, is really hard work. And despite the baby-led method being toted as ‘easy, natural, less faff and much quicker’ when compared to traditional weaning, it’s still a massive pain in the ass, tbh.

Hazel is now 11 months old (HOW?!) and is a pretty good eater. She certainly has her favourites (pasta with anything, porridge, bolognese, hard boiled eggs) but will try anything that’s put in front of her. Our weaning journey has been reasonably straightforward – Hazel took to eating pretty quickly and doesn’t have any allergies – but it’s still been a slog, and a very different experience to the ones described by certain outspoken members of BLW groups (“you fed your baby a bit of porridge on a SPOON?! OUT OUT OUT!”).

Now we’ve mostly dropped daytime milk feeds in favour of solids (Hazel has a feed first and last thing but generally nothing in the day), I have a few points of interest on the whole weaning game. So here they are…

– The mess is unreal. At first you’ll try to avoid it, but as time goes on you’ll learn to accept your kitchen will be various states of grim for the next… three years? And if you’re still disinfecting the high chair after every meal more than two weeks down the line, you’re a much better mum than me…

-Weaning can be very slow going. Some babies take to it really well, but for most, the transition from milk to food is weird and annoying and they’re just not into it. Hazel was really cautious at first – I remember proudly presenting her with sliced avocado for her first meal and she just looked at it, nonplussed, and threw it on the floor (see above point). But I kept plugging away and now she’s generally a good eater.

-Spoon feeding is not off the table, even if you’re following a BLW method. Yeah, yeah – I know it’s not what the book says. But I don’t care, because if a spoon is the easiest way to get food in – porridge, soup, yogurt – I’ll be using it. I give Hazel pre-loaded spoons (with the food in-situ) so she gets an idea of the concept, but I’ll happily feed her myself if necessary. This is something I was dead against when we started weaning, but as time has gone on and it’s clear Hazel has learnt how to feed herself, I’ve got over it.

-It’s fine to offer the same or similar dishes day to day. Food variety is important, so I try to mix it up a bit – pasta with pesto and chicken one day, then pasta with Philadelphia and spinach the next. I’m all for cooking creatively but when you’re back at work and bloody knackered come 4pm, quick and easy always wins.

-Fish fillets are your friend. Seriously, I love fish. Babies can only have two portions of oily fish a week due to mercury levels (or something), but Hazel always has her full quota because it’s just SO EASY. Salmon with sweet potato and peas. Cod with broccoli. Tuna with pasta. Boom.

-Don’t bother with the bamboo plate. We have Ikea plastic plates, bowls and cutlery that we use to dish up, but all food gets dumped on the highchair tray. Did you know a plate really resembles a frisbee? Yeah…

-Speaking of highchairs, the Ikea Antilop (or fancy wooden version, which we have) is all you need. I now choose my restaurants based on their highchair offering – if they have the Antilop, I’m through the door.

-Bibs without sleeves are largely useless, mainly because after a few weeks your baby will learn how to pull them off. Hazel is also highly suspicious of anything that doesn’t feel like clothing, so plastic bibs of all descriptions are out. We use these towelling bibs and although they have to be washed after every meal so therefore contribute to Laundry Mountain at an alarming rate, they do at least keep her clothes clean.

-With weaning also comes water, and with water comes about 50 billion different cups to choose from. Will you go for the classic sippy? Free flow? Straw or spout? What about a 360? Maybe a doidy? The list is literally endless. After trying all of the above, we’ve settled on an open doidy cup for in the highchair and a Munchkin 360 for out and about.

-My final tip is – don’t sweat it. Right at the beginning of our ~weaning journey~ I was a member of various BLW Facebook groups and getting totally stressed about cooking these amazing, elaborate meals, never spoon feeding and never handing Hazel anything lest she become a 15 year-old who still needs her mum to place food into her open palm. Then I read an article about feeding a toddler that basically said ‘don’t panic, you’re good’. Babies and children KNOW when you’re stressing – they pick up on those vibes and act accordingly (i.e., the way you don’t want them to). So now I try to have a relaxed, calm approach to mealtimes – it doesn’t always work and I often get frustrated when Hazel doesn’t eat much but when I do chill out and just leave her to it, she eats well. So there’s definitely something in it!

Have you started weaning yet? Let me know your top tips and words of despair/encouragement in the comments!

A few weeks ago I was sitting in my usual sofa spot during Hazel’s afternoon nap. She’d been grizzly all day (teeth, leap, growth spurt… one of those) and I was knackered. But instead of sitting scrolling Instagram and mainlining Diet Coke like I should’ve been, I was simultaneously working, adding my upcoming study dates into the family calendar and texting my mum about childcare. I was staring down the barrel of serious overload – working practically full-time, studying for a degree and rearing a ‘spirited’ 9-month old. That week, I was the epitome of a hashtag MumBoss.

“Actually I can… say no to stuff”

As women, we’re used to giving 110% percent at work – we’re constantly fighting against the pay gap, sexism, discrimination and for women of colour, working class women and women with disabilities, racism, classism and ableism respectively.

But the notion that you should be ‘working on your brand’ all day every day, running multiple ‘side hustles’, keeping your Insta game on-point and visually merchandising your desk every morning leaves us at risk of serious burnout. And it seems things don’t let up when you have a baby – you’re expected to move seamlessly from #GirlBoss to #MumBoss.

In 2017, maternity leave isn’t just for sitting around on your arse during naptime and going out for lunch with your NCT group. You should be starting a freelance craft business and promoting it via a beautifully-curated Instagram. You need to resurrect your long-forgotten blog and share wise words on motherhood punctuated with soft focus shots of your immaculately-dressed baby. If you’re going back to work, get your Keeping In Touch days sorted asap and don’t forget to pick up your emails – you wouldn’t want to be forgotten. And why not do some studying while you’re at it – you can write your essays when baby’s in bed! Who cares if baby doesn’t actually sleep ever and you’re permanently exhausted! You’re a #MumBoss, you got this *biceps emoji*

In reality, the #MumBoss movement stems from idea that mums should still ‘have it all’ despite a working world set up to systematically fail them. There’s no room for rest and relaxation here. No time for taking your shitty company to a tribunal because they fired you while you were pregnant – just start a ‘network marketing business’ instead. I’m generalising, of course – there are loads of amazing women doing amazing things while juggling childcare and thoroughly enjoying it. And more props to them – if you can find the balance, that’s fantastic. But so, so many mothers can’t find that balance, and they’re left feeling one of two ways – lazy and old-fashioned or overworked and overstretched.

For me, things came to a head last week when I was seriously considering taking on a house renovation project alongside my freelance business, my degree study and my kid. I can do it all! I thought to myself as I wondered if we could live without a kitchen for a few months. Eventually I realised that actually, I can… say no to stuff. I can wait a bit. I don’t have to achieve absolutely all my goals and dreams within a year of giving birth, just to prove that it’s possible. Maybe it is. But not for me.

So I’ve deferred my uni place until next year. I’ve sacked off the house renovation (after a bit of gentle common sense talk from Rob). Hazel will be at nursery from November and I’ll be picking up a my freelance business again – I don’t think I’ll ever work at the same level as I did before she was born, but I’m hugely privileged that my job is still there and can be as flexible as I need it to be. I know a lot of women don’t get that break.

I’m not a #MumBoss, but I am a working mum juggling a job, a baby and some semblance of a life. It’s not always successful, rarely Instagrammable and won’t earn me a a legion of social media followers, but that’s cool. I’m happy with it.

It’s official – Hazel is six months old. Can you believe it? No, me neither. I know it’s a tired old cliche but time really DOES fly, and I’m genuinely shocked that she’s been out in the world for half a year. That’s AGES, guys.

For me, the first six months of motherhood can be split into three stages. Stage one, which I’ll call ‘What The Actual Fuck Is Happening?’, took place from birth to three months. Stage two, ‘Well I Thought I Had The Hang Of It But What The Actual Fuck Is Happening?’, covers four to five months. And the last stage, ‘Oh Ok, This Is Quite Fun Now Isn’t It?’, is where I’m at now, six months in.

It’s only in the last few weeks that I’ve felt like I’ve got a bit of breathing space. After the struggle of the newborn days, I found my feet only to be knocked right off them again by the four (and five) month sleep regression. I don’t want to scare you, new mums, but that thing is an absolute bastard. But like everything to do with babies, it passed and we made it through to the other side. The other side, where sleep is much improved, solids are now a thing and Hazel is just a joy to be around.

I mean, really. Too cute. 

All babies are different, of course. But at six months old, these are Hazel’s highlights:

– Rolling all over the place – Hazel first rolled at four months but promptly forgot about it and didn’t pick it up again until very recently. She can now roll front to back AND back to front, meaning she covers some serious ground if left to her own devices

– Sitting up – a very new skill acquired just this week, but one I am SUPER PUMPED for. She’s still very wobbly but is getting more stable every day and I can’t wait for her to properly sit and play with her toys

– Weaning – we started weaning just before six months and I’m following a true baby-led approach, which basically means sticking whatever I’m eating in front of her and hoping for the best. Hits so far include strawberries, hummus and pitta, pancakes and tomato pasta

– Improved sleep – at one point during the seemingly endless regression, Hazel was waking up almost every hour and I was BROKEN. But we got through it (just about… I still have the eye bags) and her sleep is much better now. She doesn’t sleep through – we’re on about 2/3 wake-ups a night – but I’m cool with that. Sleep is a big issue for new parents and many judge their success against the sleep habits of their baby, but we try to just go with it and not worry too much. If she’s still waking up through the night at the age of 5, maybe we’ll assess. But for now… we’re good!

– Established breastfeeding – this is a biggie for me. I’ve written about my struggles with breastfeeding before and it wasn’t really until three months that I felt I’d really got the hang of it. Now at six months, I absolutely love it. So much so that I’m currently applying to train as a breastfeeding counsellor! When Hazel was a newborn breastfeeding to six months felt completely unattainable, so I’m totally delighted we’ve got this far and have no plans to stop any time soon.

– Everyday life – Hazel is just SO much fun at the moment. She smiles at everything, she laughs, she cuddles, she’s so interested in the world around her and is generally just a delight to hang out with. During the week it’s just me and her and we’re super sociable – we go to lunch, we meet up with our pals, we do sensory classes and we walk everywhere. We even went to Madrid, on our own! At the weekend when Rob’s around we’re a proper family unit – rather than just being a sleeping baby in a pram, Hazel is now part of the things we do and it’s the absolute best.

Bring on the next six months!