Now, I know what you’re going to say. Fajitas are literally the easiest thing to make ever ever. No one needs a recipe.

But, this is an Anti-Recipe! It doesn’t follow conventional rules of cookery, like using proper utensils (who said a plastic water bottle couldn’t be a rolling pin?) and licking the spoon (bloody Nigella). So here it is – my Anti-Recipe for everyone’s favourite ‘I’m-so-tired-and-can’t-be-arsed-with-anything-else’ meal, chicken fajitas.

You will need:
– Two chicken breasts
– Two peppers (avoid the green ones, they’re not as sweet)
– One onion
– Fajita paste

To serve:
– 8 small tortillas
– Salsa
– Grated cheese
– Guacamole
– Coriander
– Sour cream

Get cooking:
– Cut your chicken into thin strips, heat some oil in a frying pan and throw it in to brown. While that’s happening, cut your peppers and onion into similarly-sized strips.
– Add the peppers and onion to your pan and mix everything about a bit. Add two dollops of fajita paste (or those packet spice mixes) and a splash of water. More mixing.
– Wrap your tortillas in cling film and shove in the microwave for 2 minutes. If your microwave is broken (or you’re just feeling fancy), wrap ’em in foil and pop in the oven for 10 minutes.
– Chop your coriander, grate your cheese and decant salsa, guacamole and sour cream into pots. As an aside, I know it’s much better (and cheaper) to make your own salsa and guacamole, but I’m incurably lazy about such things.
– Serve your fajitas from the pan (use a heat-proof mat, kids!) and encourage the kind of ‘social eating’ they do in the Old El Paso adverts.

Ta-dah!

On the subject of Old El Paso, it is sometimes cheaper to just buy a fajita kit, which includes tortillas, salsa and spices. Generally I don’t like buying things in packets but as all the other ingredients are fresh and the packets are usually on offer, I often choose this option over buying it all individually. And I have zero guilt. Nigella can suck it.

What do you think – another Anti-Recipe triumph or a waste of time because you can read the back of the box?

First, a confession.

I don’t like cooking.

I can cook. Simple things like lasagne and noodles and frozen pizzas (ahem). I don’t eat ready meals every night and know how to poach an egg. But I don’t enjoy it. I hate baking – the huge mess, the multiple tools that need washing up after, the exact measuring. General cooking I can deal with – a girl’s gotta eat – but I’m not really interested in anything beyond that.

However, my constant eating out is putting a strain on my already-stretched (damn you, wedding and house purchase) finances. I’ve decided to try harder to make meals from scratch, and that means using recipes.

Ugh, recipes.

I hate faffing about with scales and measuring cups and ‘kitchen stuff’. I use the BBC’s Good Food site as an ‘ideas generator’ and then wing it from there. So here’s my first Anti-Recipe – a meal for people who like to chuck everything in a pan and be done with it.

You will need:
– Two small potatoes
– One small aubergine
– About 6 mushrooms (I used chestnut but whatever)
– A can of coconut milk
– 150ml vegetable stock (the only measurement I did actually follow, because stock scares me)
– Garam Masala
– Curry paste

To serve:
– Coriander
– Rice
– Natural yoghurt

Get cooking:
– Chop your potatoes up into small chunks and parboil them for about 5 minutes until they’re soft. While that’s going, chop your aubergine and mushrooms.
– Heat some oil in a frying pan (the proper recipe calls for a tablespoon, but if you measure out your oil, you need to reassess your life) and chuck in a few teaspoons of Garam Masala. Add your potatoes and cook for a bit, then add your mushrooms and aubergine.
– Add half the can of coconut milk and your stock. As an aside, I CANNOT find small cans of coconut milk ANYWHERE. Plan to make a Thai curry or something the next day to use the rest of it.
– Add as much curry paste as you like, depending on your penchant for spiciness. I went for 3 teaspoons and it worked out pretty well. Another aside here – the recipe calls for Tikka Masala paste but I used Thai Red Curry paste as it was all I had. Worked perfectly.
– Simmer for 10 minutes. In this time I chopped my coriander and put my microwavable rice in, ready to go. I never cook my own rice because it takes ages and is bloody boring, but if you like that kinda thing that you should’ve starting it cooking right at the beginning. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
– Serve up on warm plates with rice, coriander and a dollop of natural yoghurt. DONE.

I only took one photo while making this recipe – we all know how to chop a potato, you don’t need a photo of it. Plus, I get really flustered when I cook and have zero brain capacity for taking photos. But I think it does the dish justice – it was really tasty and filling without being unhealthy (vegetarian, yo!).

What do you think – is the first Anti-Recipe a success? Will you give it a try?